For the third straight year, Raleigh & Company will watch every single new show to debut on a major broadcast network during the Fall Season. So you don’t have to.

It’s a tough job, but making it easier is the fact that we don’t watch them for long. In fact, the way we score a new show is by how long it takes before we lose interest and turn it off.

Here’s a very very quick look at the season’s first new show: The Orville.

If you watched any football at all yesterday, you probably know all about Seth McFarlane’s new show, Orville. Seth was on the screen more than Cam Newton.

The idea behind the show is that it’s a send-up of Star Trek, as McFarlane spoofs classic sci-fi.

It’s a fun concept, and Fox clearly put a lot of money into it, as evidenced by the heavy promotion during the NFL Sunday games and the cushy post football timeslot. The space scenes, costumes and makeup also show a very high production budget. If nothing else, McFarlane definitely gets the look right.

There’s just one problem for this expensive parody series: No one paid anyone to write jokes.

As hard as it is to believe in the genre that gave us four-jokes-a-minute movies like Airplane! and The Naked Gun, and from the creator of Family Guy, nothing funny happens.

Oh sure, there are some amusing things. Seth comes home and finds his wife in bed with a blue-skinned alien. But, then he leaves. No jokes. No sight gags, save a blue liquid leaking from the face of the alien in … what I guess is some type of space sex joke that I didn’t quite get.

Then Seth gets a job offer from Victor Garber in a scene that seems to have been written with the instructions, “Just get the dialogue on the page. We’ll add the jokes later.”

At one point, Seth reaches into a bowl and says, “Can I have one of these mints?” Victor says, “Those aren’t mints. They’re marbles,” and Seth spits it back into the bowl. It’s the first legitimate attempt at a joke, and it happens four minutes in. Family Guy would have been pushing 20 jokes by that point, and none of them would have been such a weak attempt at humor.

The show seems to be trying to do something, although we’re not really sure what. It comes off the same as if Weird Al decided to put out an album of original love songs, sung in the same self-mocking voice he uses for his parody songs. Uncomfortable and off putting. Where’s the remote?

Time of death: A generous six minutes.

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