Yeah, yeah, it’s basketball season around these parts. But more importantly — it’s Christmas music season!
Christmas music rocks. It’s devastatingly fun to sing along to, and everyone knows every single song that comes on the radio. Seriously, it’s a phenomenon. It’s like one of those scenes in musicals where everyone on the street miraculously knows exactly what song to sing and jig to dance, except it actually happens in real life. There are people in this world who don’t know that there’s a playoff in college football this year, and even those simpletons can recognize any Christmas tune in about five seconds. It’s amazing.
We’re about a third of the way through the college basketball regular season now, so it’s time to make some early evaluations of ACC teams. But 10 days out from Dec. 25, I’ve fully shifted into Christmas mode, which means I’m playing the All I Want For Christmas Is Pop! channel on Songza in near perpetuity. The only rational thing I can think to do now is compare each ACC team to a Christmas song.
Boston College – The Christmas Shoes
Apparently this is a song that exists. At least that’s what someone told me Saturday night. I also heard it’s sad.
Clemson — God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
What a miserable song. What a miserable basketball team.
Duke — That’s What Christmas Means To Me
Unquestionably the best Christmas song out there. (Get out of here with your Mariah Carey nonsense.)
Florida State — Baby, It’s Cold Outside
In Florida. So you know it’s bad.
Georgia Tech — I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas
Does anyone know how they feel about this song? Is it good? Is it bad? Probably somewhere in between? Really it just does nothing to move the needle.
Louisville — Jingle Bell Rock
An undefeated hit when it comes on at parties. The song took off when it was featured in Mean Girls, making it one of the newest additions to the group of classics, much like the Cardinals in their first year in the ACC.
Miami — Wonderful Christmastime
Surprisingly good! And fun! Not elite, but an enjoyable experience all around. Stick around, guys.
North Carolina — All I Want For Christmas Is You
Everyone talks it up, but it’s just become so overrated.
NC State — Last Christmas
“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart; The very next day, you gave it away.” The official lyrics of NC State athletics, as brought to you by NC State sheeeeeeeit.
Notre Dame — Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer
Everybody likes it, and sure it’s a nice story and all, but what a forgettable song.
Pittsburgh — Deck The Halls
Nobody complains about this song, but nobody would notice if it suddenly stopped playing, either.
Syracuse — It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas
This song is supposed to be good? Why does it suck so bad?
Virginia — The Christmas Song
An unquestioned classic and one of the top holiday songs played every year. But it’s so methodical and boring that your mind drifts to wondering how long the hummus has been in your fridge instead of actually enjoying it.
Wait, I’m not done with Virginia.
Virginia — Feliz Navidad
Sure, it’s one of the best, but half the song is in a different language. Is Virginia even playing the same sport?
Virginia — White Christmas
MY CLOTHES ARE GOING OUT OF STYLE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SPEED UP.
Virginia Tech — The Chipmunk Song
Somebody kill this song with fire and never let it back into the Christmas song rotation ever again.
Wake Forest — Silver Bells
It’s not like this song is bad or anything, but I’d rather just go ahead and skip it.