RALEIGH — Subscribers of the subculture known for embracing the neo-pastoral movement were left with turned stomachs and heads after witnessing a real-time farm-to-fork exhibit at the NC State Fair’s livestock display.
“We didn’t know the animals we eat actually had to die,” said Atticus A. Atticus, “we thought their lives were, ya know, sustainable.”
“When I heard ‘farm-to-fork’ I pictured carefree livestock dancing to Avett Brothers, but there’s nothing like this on any of their albums.”
Atticus’ life partner, Wren, explained how she assumed it would be, “like, all local and stuff, right?”
Others were shocked to learn the farm-to-fork forks weren’t manufactured locally. One slender gentleman, dabbing at barbecue sauce on his Google Fiber shirt, added, “that kinda ruins the whole thing for me. The nonlocal poor person who smelted these forks can go to hell.”
Fair officials declined to comment, offering only trigger warnings to reporters. But, those who witnessed the carnage weren’t so lucky.
“Is this really what Nietzsche was talking about?” a frazzled Hipster woman added while sobbing into her beta-male husband’s beard.
“Well, yeah,” a passerby replied.