Amid an outcry from protestors, the year 2016 has scheduled a special session for Wednesday. While details are scarce, popular opinion holds that the purpose of the session is to extend the year, possibly by as much as a week.
“We just don’t feel like we’ve had enough time to accomplish everything we’ve wanted to,” said a representative for 2016, who asked not to be named.
There’s deep-seated concern that 2016 may use the special session to strip powers from the new year, rendering it ineffective at stopping the steady stream of bad news that has plagued the current year.
The year has seen shocking election upsets in Britain and the U.S., along with scores of high-profile deaths, leading many concerned observers to wonder what the year is planning for the additional week.
“Everyone is at risk, from Oprah to democracy itself,” said a representative for Aging Celebrities Against Extending the Year, a group that includes Morgan Freeman, Betty White and Madonna. “For all we know, they could try to kill Prince again.”
The year most impacted by 2016’s maneuverings, 2017, has been strangely silent on the issue. The upcoming new year released a brief statement, saying, “Peaceful transition of the year is the bedrock of our calendar. We’ve been working with 2016 to plan for New Year’s Day and have no knowledge of any changes.”
Demonstrators wearing 2017 glasses and carrying noisemakers are expected to clog large public areas in major cities across the country to protest the potential extension of 2016.