I bring to you a menagerie of quick-hitting NC State football analysis (lovingly crafted tiny widdle cute recaps of Wake and Clemson), a rational response to the Duke/Miami game, and a calm and in no way visceral response to anything that has to do with ESPN’s college football playoff show/process/anything under which its wicked shadow falls.

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Can’t See the Wake Forest for the 50 yard Touchdowns



And may it be stated that this author preemptively made his stance known that he was not sold on huge plays against a Wake Forest efense as progress. I tweeted this after the first bomb that Brissett threw to Maurice Trowell. On the play, Brissett was wrapped up in the backfield by an unblocked blitzer, shrugged him off like a silken bathrobe, and found Trowell streaking across the field in a play reminiscent of the play against FSU last season.


(Let’s ignore how few people responded and just go with the validity of my prediction)

Joel doesn’t like success on broken big plays, because they aren’t reliable. And Joel doesn’t actually like State scoring 4 touchdowns on plays of more than 50 yards against a team like Wake Forest (or, really, anyone) for the same reason. Teams win games (plural) by ownership of the ball and the line of scrimmage. Quick strikes don’t give the defense time to rest (which became evident as Wake began finding its footing as the game progressed), nor do they force the offense to actually do any work.

Think of a batch of quick strike scores for a team like State as trust-fund babies. It was really easy to start out, but then once the economy tanked/Wake stopped playing like total shit, the Wolfpack offense didn’t score another point. After gaining 322 yards in the first quarter (jaw-dropping, no lie) on a total time of possession of 2:45, the Pack collected a total of 153 yards (3.3 yards per play after the first).

Against Wake Forest.

Notable: I Told Y’all Cherry Was Gonna Break One. 

And he did, and I so rarely am willing to put predictions in print (because they’re dumb and meaningless) that I am gonna slam that trump card down on any table I can find. They’da thrown me out of the Last Supper before any bread was even broken, I was so excited by the return/the rare moment when I can tangibly say to anyone at all, ‘I was right about a thing!’

Cherry’s punt return skills and Hynes’ kickoff return ability (Weird – in the same section where I predict Cherry to break a big return, I said something pretty lyrical and true about Hynes. We said get out and leave the wine, we’re gonna need it) help even out how friggin’ awful the kicking game has been and gives the team a quick-strike in an area that I think adds to the team instead of fooling everyone into thinking things are fine.

* * *


Last season, Clemson wrapped the Pack up in a dirty set of queen-sized sheets, shoved them in the trunk of a car, and parked it at an open-air Carly Rae Jepson concert in a 41-0 beat down.

Yes, it was that bad.

The opening of the game was like a pinball machine, and if you got up to make a sandwich, you probably missed two or three touchdowns. If the Pack’s offense against Clemson’s usually stout defense is any indication of potential moving forward, perhaps my concern after the Wake game can be somewhat assuaged – Brissett (254 yds, 3TD/0 INT) played his best and most assertive game for State this season. The running game was sound (5.0 yards per carry), and the Pack never quit, which it seemed to do in a loss to Virginia Tech.

NotableScoring 41 and Losing by 15 is Lame

Clemson had 27 first downs (Twenty-seven holy crap thunderbolt geez) and Six Got Dang Hundred And Holy Smokesmas Twenty-three yards of total offense.

Now, I mean, Clemson is dirty good, but there were still players running wild and free in the State secondary. And, yes, Watson (383 yds, 5 TD/0 INT, 54 rushing yards, 1 rushing TD) is an impossible player to defend . . . but those numbers, yikes.

Here’s hoping State doesn’t continue the trend of making whomever it plays look like eleven guys from the Heisman House against BC. And yes, BC’s offense is less explosive than that cinder block behind your shed. And, yes, I’ll be more surprised if State keeps them under wraps than I will if the Eagles set school records across the board on Saturday.

* * *


I didn’t respond to this play initially because I like to let things simmer. I wanna see how the dust settles, not react immediately and end up having to eat my words, give myself time to think about implications and things of that nature.

I watched the play live with my friend Will. We collectively lost each of our respective shits as the play happened, and then we got to sit around for nine minutes and really soak in the gravity of the moment (being utterly destroyed by replay, horrible officiating, and the random greatness that sport always allows).

As a State fan, I know what it feels like to feel shorted by officiating in both basketball and football, so I can understand how it must feel to the ever-growing collection of the hundreds of Duke football fans, and I’d like to take this moment to tell all of them to shut the fuck up and get over it.





The Terrapins benefited from a bizarre technical foul against
North Carolina State early in the second half. The Wolfpack were
called for a technical after one of their managers wiped sweat
off the court with a towel. Maryland was trailing, 53-43, at the
time. – 2004 ACC Tournament


Just shut up.

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The Playoff Committee and Shows and Whatever Else Are Stupid

Especially at this time of year. Especially since it’s so damn subjective and committee members can change what they value to fit their whims of what is or isn’t valuable in a championship contender.

Four isn’t enough teams.

A list of 25 teams for 4 slots is stupid and clearly only done to fill air time of a show that doesn’t need to air because the process is subjective and doesn’t matter until we’re anywhere close to the end of the season. This isn’t a playoff system, it’s a list of four favorites/hearts that are chosen by people whose job it is to over-complicate the process in order to stir up more discussion.

That’s all. I just think it’s so so dumb and clearly a money grab and dumb.

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