A local miser well-known for his hatred of the holiday season has had a sudden turnaround. Claiming he now knows the true meaning of Christmas, he will devote his days to committing acts of goodwill and cheer. Which is kind of getting on everyone else’s nerves.

“It sounds mean, but we kind of liked him better the old way,” said one woman who is acquainted with the miser. “He’s just a bit … much … now, if you know what I mean.”

“It’s like, Okay. We *GET IT*,” said one disabled adolescent who knows the miser well. “I mean, it’s not exactly news that Christmas is great.”

For most of his adult life, the elderly mogul has been devoted to his business, often ignoring social events to spend time alone at work.

“Those were the days,” said his nephew. “I mean, it would have been nice to see Uncle at the house every once in awhile, but now? Sometimes you just want a bit of a break.”

It’s unsure how long the miser will be able to maintain his new lifestyle. By all accounts, his business has hemorrhaged money since his change of heart. Labor costs have skyrocketed, while productivity has plummeted.

“The happiness a man gives is quite as great as if it cost a fortune,” he told his board of directors at a recent shareholders meeting. The comments have led to concerns about his fitness to serve as head of the company, and a group of shareholders are organizing to have him removed.

“My own heart laughs, and that is quite enough for me,” he replied when informed of the movement, then asked a passing child on the street what day it was.

There are also concerns among friends and colleagues that the miser’s new outlook on life may be the symptom of a more serious problem.

“Given his age and sedentary lifestyle, the first thing that comes to mind when you hear about a sudden personality change is stroke,” said one local physician familiar with the situation. “But it could also be Alzheimer’s or some other form of onset dementia. Going down the list, you’ve got to rule out head injury, brain tumor, even Creutzfeld-Jakob (better known as mad cow disease).”

In the meantime, the once-prominent local businessman will continue roaming the streets, giving unsolicited hugs and sending cooked geese to unsuspecting homes.




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